Thursday, June 16, 2005
Gettysburg Slots Casino Would Honor War Dead
An unnamed spokesman for the planned gaming operation said, "Mr. Lincoln told his Gettysburg audience that 'in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground'...but Mr. Lincoln never saw the rows of magnificent gleaming slot machines, the joyful expressions on the faces of blue-haired women and the opportunity to go from welfare to wealth that our customers will find at 'Four Score Slots and More'."
The source noted that without the "family entertainment" provided by slot machines, "Gettysburg is nothing but fields of bones and monument stones."
Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell, former chairman of the Democrat National Committee, last year spearheaded the effort to legalize slot machines as a way of increasing funding to public schools.
"Our public school graduates lack basic knowledge of mathematics," said Gov. Rendell. "Which is why we think slot machines will be such a hit with Pennsylvanians."